scenes from senior year ii


I stand on the top of a rooftop garage in Phoenix with my friend and watched the sun set—well, the sun had already set, but we watch the color drain out of the sky over neon signs and dark silhouettes. we talk about God and changing the world and it’s one of those moments, a small succession of moments, really, that is surreal and strange and beautiful—and when it’s dark, when we have said our goodbyes once again (because our friendship is simply a series of goodbyes and hellos, one or two days of seeing eachother a year), I drive back to my grandmother’s condo down wide endless boulevards broken up by stoplights with Halsey + First Aid Kit blaring on my phone. I’m feeling restless again—full of energy, thinking about open roads and unfamiliar landscapes again—and it feels so good. 

I spill coffee on my laptop. 
I spill coffee on my laptop and, at first, everything is fine--until I plug it in later and it shuts off, essentially forever. And there's a week of panic until OIT tells me that they've saved my files, but in an ironic, #geshannoned, twisted turn of fate, two folders have not survived the Great Coffee Disaster of 2016--the one with all of my edited files*, circa 2013, and everything I've ever written. Three years of creative work is gone forever, and I'm left standing at the bus stop feeling hollow and wondering what the next step is going to be. But it's painfully clear; I've just got to begin again--one foot after another, working twice as hard, keep on keeping on. 


This swirl of second-semester senior year assignments, extra curriculars, internship work and personal projects have me running all day and night, and when I do have a minute, or an hour, or a day, there’s a naggling feeling that I should be doing something. But some days are warm and beautiful. Some days require going to Trader Joe’s for baguettes, raspberries, and cheesepuffs to share (along with a bottle of three dollar Merlot) on the grass until the rain starts falling—then running across campus, the concrete glistening, to a thoroughly mediocre comedy show, swigging from another bottle of wine (this time white) in the back row. And as dumbly cliche as it is, those are the things that I will remember after the homework is due and the extracurriculars are over.

*-if you've gone through the archives recently you will see that in going from WP over to blogger, the images did not survive the move, and since i don't have the files, re-inserting pics will be a gradual process. 

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