lately | scenes from senior year

november // amherst ma // canon 5d

I dye my hair because i miss being the person that I used to be. I don't have paint on my fingers or a nose ring anymore and am hurtling towards adulthood, something that is very exciting, but very scary. I can't even keep my cacti alive but now I own two button-down shirts.  So I dye the ends of my hair pink and cut my bangs at 11pm on a Saturday night, eat pop-tarts for dinner and go back to shooting film because I miss that part of myself.


I get on the bus, I get off the bus.  Life adjusts itself into a new routine and suddenly, everything-this summer, and last semester, and the year before that-becomes one long dream. I wonder if it really happened; I wonder where home exactly is. The leaves have fallen and everything looks like its on fire. I am living on caffeine fumes and to-do lists. On Monday and Wednesdays I spent late morning at my apartment, curled up on the couch with a cup of coffee and the light slanting through the window, plowing through assignments.


We drive to trivia on winding roads past dark farms in the rain-don't you, don't you forget about me plays on the radio and the drops on the window make the stoplights shimmer. There's a party at an old brick house with high ceilings and no living room-someone is playing Halsey at the bus stop and I can't stop looking up at all of the stars, so bright it hurts. We try Scorpion Bowls at a Chinese restaurant with yellow walls and tired decor, the same night my friend calls me crying and I sit behind a wall, whispering  itwillallbeokayitwillallbeokayitwillallbeokay.


I write a piece for the school magazine, and it's shared several thousand times; I get emails and people follow me on twitter. Someone writes a blog post with an edge. People know my name and it feels like an elephant has sat on my chest-my heart beats fast and frantic. Everything is strange and it is a weird week.


I wake up one day and, somewhere, at some point-maybe in January, maybe yesterday, who knows-things have gotten good. really good. And what a wonderful thing that is.

part one of a new series. 

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